Instrument of Care

South Padre Island, 2016. Photography by the wonderful Madison Musser.

 How can you tell if you truly care about someone? When all the pleasantries and niceties pass, how can you tell that someone has crept into your heart?

 One word. Pain.

 Pain is the perfect thermometer for measuring the temperature of your passion for another human being. The hermetically sealed glass tube filled with mercury either expands when heat is applied, or contracts during the effect of cooling. Pain is an instrument that never fails to sensor the levels of care. When applied, it will cause expansion between the molecules of your soul.

 Yesterday I sat on a guest bed in a house off the coast of Port Isabel. My heart was slowly ripped to a thousand minuscule pieces as I watched one of my closest friends cry. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and prayed for her until my lips were dry. Our tears were hot and heavy as they ran down our red cheeks and wetted the clean covers.

 The thermometer of pain was being used. It felt like I had a boulder for a heart as I held my dear friend and wished for her to feel better. Her terrible experience was far greater than anything I had ever imagined. The molecules moved faster. In that hour of silence and tears, all I wanted was to participate. The thermometer expanded. I wanted to experience the same level of pain and truly be parallel with her hurt. The measurement was made.

 You can tell when you truly care about someone when you hurt for them. When you see them puffy-eyed and crestfallen, and all you want is to understand what they're going through. After you've prayed over and over until your mouth goes dry and you run out of words.

  Caring for someone is a purely out-of-body experience. You step outside yourself and your wishes, and you choose to wear their skin. You put on their clothes, their shoes, their hats and scarves. You do what you can, when you can, and how you can no matter what, no matter when, no matter how. 

That's where the mercury in the thermometer comes from. That is where the heat is applied.