Permissibility of Feeling

I think we forget how permissible it to hurt.

Constantly, I am told not to cry. I am encouraged to put sorrow and discomfort away and pursue lighter subjects of thought and contemplation. Let’s think of our blessings and our good fortune my mother says. Comparing ourselves to others with harder issues, those with less money, those with smaller homes and unpaid bills. We kick the throbbing of hearts underneath the living room rug along with all the other cob webs and dust mites. We’re lucky, we repeat. We are blessed, we are loved. We have no reason to cry, and no reason to hurt.

But that’s not true.

Come on, people. We’re human. This humanity we possess, it is almost entirely imperfect, and for this reason we cry. For this reason we weep when we’re sad, angry, or hurt. Our humanity calls forth a separate form of living than all other organisms. It is called spirit. Soul. Individual. We hurt because we are alive in the rawest, most fervent shape.

We have to stop trying to be perfectly happy at all times. We make scripts for what to say when people ask how we are, we write up convincing Instagram captions, and we maintain a captivating snap story to keep up the happiness, keep up the image of perfection that we pursue so relentlessly. So often we view ourselves through other people’s eyes. That way, if other people find us to be amiable and bright, then we must really be amiable and bright.

No, this is false thinking.

Such things put a band aid on the bullet hole. It is pretense. We put on a brilliantly crafted act to make ourselves feel better.

We can’t keep throwing buckets of water overboard if there is a hole in the bottom of the ship. We have to learn to swim.

Forgive me, I do not mean to be so melancholy. This is not my point. My point is that it’s okay to cry if you feel like crying, its okay to scream when you’re scared, it’s okay to be startled and weak and hurt and nostalgic and concerned. These feelings and experiences do not take away from our strength, our personality, our image. These are the ornaments of mankind and we should not be afraid of wearing them. We should not hide our participation in the effects of humanity. We only hurt ourselves by denying what we feel.

"Do not fear the shadowy places. You will never be the first one there. Another went ahead and down until He came out the other side." - N.D. Wilson